Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I constantly lust and feel the need to have sexual relations with a woman. But when it comes to meeting them I get nervous and usually back out. How am I to satisfy my needs if I can't overcome this?

Answer

Whoa! Slow down partner! You have gotten yourself into one of those vicious circles -- the more you want it, the more anxious and pressured you feel and the more overwhelmed and paralyzed you get when a situation with a woman presents itself. In other words you wind up stepping on your own feet. So the Sex Doctors suggest that you change your goal from making a score to making a friend. Go to places or join activities that you really enjoy, whether it's hiking, politics, or model trains. Then you'll find ready-made topics to bring up and females with ready-made interests in the same (that's why they are there, right?). Find a person and you may eventually find a partner.

03/18/98