Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I continually fantasize about squirting my semen all over a woman's body, especially over her face. Is it abnormal to have such fantasies? I have other fantasies, too.

Answer

We hear your concern and confusion over having such an intensely sexual and repetitive fantasy but you have some company-- a lot. Sexual fantasies are without a doubt the most common kind of sexual experience and are a part of the vast majority of men's and women's psychological landscape. They are completely private and safe and can actually be enhancing. Fantasies are a way of giving your sexual feelings a holiday--you can try different partners, positions, and situations without having to be accountable--or worry about disease.

Fantasy can allow one to role play upcoming encounters, temporarily escape from real life, relieve pent up pressures, or most commonly (in over 70% of men and women), to intensify sexual arousal during masturbation or love making. Fantasies can just pop into a person's mind unsolicited or can be carefully and elaborately orchestrated.

Many men and women report "unusual" sexual fantasies that they would never do because they seem dangerous, illegal or outside their value system. Some worry that having these unsettling daydreams means they might act on them or be mentally ill. Then their fantasy becomes a source of guilt, anxiety or fear. When a fantasy intrudes on real life to the point that it interferes with personal relationships, sexual functioning ( a person cannot respond to a real life partner), or work or a person becomes so obsessed with it that he feels compelled to act it out it is then a bona fide problem exists.

So check in with your fantasy. You may feel less "squirmy" if your fantasy fits the non-intrusive, non-compulsive category. If it does, you may want to seek professional help to uncover its sources.

03/18/98

Dr. Al Cooper, clinical director at the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre (408-248-9737), runs the training program for Counseling and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper is internationally known for his work in sexuality and is freqently interviewed by the media. He currently writes a column in Men's Health Magazine.

Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital therapy.