Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I just found that my husband has been entering sexual chat rooms and talking with other women about sex. I say this violates the vows of our marriage and is the same as an affair. He says I'm being ridiculous and he is "just experimenting." Who is right?

Answer

This is an increasingly common question--what are the boundaries of fidelity in today's world of cybersex, phone sex, etc.?

Since you didn't send a copy of your vows we can't make an informed judgment about your situation. A little humor--but seriously, only you and he can decide on what fidelity means to you, what your contract is, and what you both want in your marriage. Have a long, calm, dialogue and if you get stuck you may need to find a good psychologist to help you hammer out a solution that fits for you both.

03/18/98