Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

Many of my friends have relationships that work. I "fall in love" and then "fall out of love." Then I get depressed and feel defeated. I constantly feel like I am not worthy of a relationship.

Answer

Well, let's look at what you call "falling in love." I like to call it "falling in infatuation." Love is a state of being that grows over time. It appears that you get involved in a situation that is very stimulating and once the excitement ends, so does the infatuation or the relationship. It would be important to ask,"What do I want from a relationship?" Also, important to ask, "What am I willing to give and do to reach my goals?"

Perhaps, you attract people who want excitement rather than the development of a lasting bond and creating love. I would suggest you read the article in this ezine entitled Finding Someone Right for You by Edward Dreyfus, Ph.D.

3/5/98