Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am engaged and have doubts about the relationship. I have also found myself cheating on my fiance with his roommate who happens to have a girlfriend who will be my roommate in a few weeks. Any help you can offer?

Answer

I would suggest that you sit down with a counselor and first of all examine the relationship between you and your fiance. What problems are there that you might be trying to ignore? Are there things about him/her that bother you but which, so far, you have been trying to overlook? Further, examine this other relationship.

What draws you to this other person? Are there needs getting met there that are a problem in your relationship with your fiance?

Further, if your marriage is coming up soon, you might consider postponing it until you can resolve some of these issues. To proceed without resolution could be a set-up for disaster.

12/30/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.