Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

How can I tell if someone I care for is manipulating me?

Answer

The two emotional benchmarks for manipulation are guilt and fear. If this person appears to try to get you to do or say certain things by making you feel guilty, that is manipulative. In the same vein, if this person at times tries to intimidate you or perhaps tries to induce a fear that he/she might leave the relationship, this also can be manipulative. If you find that you often feel guilty or afraid in this relationship, you may wish to talk this through with a counselor to get an understanding of whether staying in the relationship is in your best interests.

12/30/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.