Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am engaged to a man with a seven year old daughter from a previous relationship. She requires that he lie down with her to get her to go to sleep. Also, he bathes her and cleans her up after using the toilet. Can you suggest any reading material?

Answer

If what you are asking is about good parenting, then the combination I usually recommend is James Dobson's Dare to Discipline and Haim Ginott's Between Parent and Child. However, I sense that your concerns run a little deeper. At age 7, unless there is some serious developmental problem, a child should be able to settle down to sleep by themselves. Further, they should be able to bathe themselves and handle bathroom functions alone. The child should also be acquiring a sense of privacy at this age. So you may need to approach your fiance with your concerns in hopes that he might be open to seeking professional assistance to develop a style of parenting more appropriate to the child's age.

12/07/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.