Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I keep having dreams that my boyfriend is going to die. I had two close family members die within two weeks of one another so when I was young, needless to say, this is all scaring me quite a bit. Can you help?

Answer

In working with our dreams, it's better to start with an assumption that a given dream is not a prediction about the future but a rather a statement at a symbolic level about something going on in our present. So, in understanding your dreams, it's probably important to keep in mind the losses you suffered when you were young.

You were probably devastated, especially with another loss coming so quickly on the heals of the first one. At a young age, you had a tough experience of how fragile life is! As such, you may be vulnerable to worry about those you love. This may be especially true if you have sensed that the person in question is struggling in some way.

It's also possible that you have these dreams when there is an undercurrent of tension between the two of you, the dream reflecting a fear you might have from time to time about losing the relationship.

Perhaps, too, you did not have a chance to grieve and heal from the those childhood losses.Often during family tragedies children can get overlooked. It might not hurt to sit down with someone a few times to talk through those losses.

12/07/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.