Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am gay and have been diagnosed HIV+ and am having trouble getting passed the idea that God is punishing me somehow by giving me this disease. Can you comment?

Answer

This notion, which still unfortunately receives some play in certain religious contexts is nothing short of vicious. This type of nonsense had the air let out of it a bit when HIV+ began to surface among heterosexuals and, worse yet, children and we all learned that it was not a "gay disease." But some persons still persist in the argument about punishment. The concern would be what it is within you that responds to such attacks. Perhaps you need to be more at peace with your sexual identity. Perhaps you may need to forgive yourself for something. In other words, what button of yours gets pushed by such statements? Perhaps, too, your image of God is in need of healing. Perhaps that image has gotten distorted through hurtful human experiences such that the image of a loving God is hard to contact. You may want to touch base with a spiritually oriented counselor about some of these issues. Don't be afraid to ask such a person about their beliefs about sexual orientation and their comfort level in working with HIV patients.

05/13/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.