Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am the father of four children. I see how spiritual issues can affect health in a variety of ways good and bad and am looking for some guidance regarding raising spiritually healthy children. Any suggestions?

Answer

The first decision you have to make is whether you consider involvement in an organized religion to be a facet of spiritual health. If you do, then you may want to place some emphasis on the values which your religion espouses, rather than placing an emphasis on sin. You also need to decide how tolerant you will be of your children's questions and expressions of doubt. Keep in mind that doubts reflect questions and questions give rise to the constant search for God.

When your children become teenagers, be prepared for an onslaught. This is a time of intense searching and so your teenager may stand at odds with your religion. If you insist on their involvement, keep in mind that you will shortly lose that control.

If you make a distinction between religion and spirituality, it may be important to help your children understand that religion is one very good road to God but not the only road. There is nature. There is music, dance, and other art forms. God can even be found in science as reflected in recent writings of a number of physicists such as Stephen Hawking.

The bottom line, however, is that if religion and spirituality are important to you, live what you preach to your children. If your children detect major discrepancies between what your spouse and what you live, the damage to their spiritual worlds will be significant.

03/15/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.