QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Health and Spirituality Department
Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking
behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.
Question
I am 16 years old and find myself no longer believing in my religion. How can
I tell my family without hurting them? Answer
It's not at all unusual for young adults to question much of what they
have been taught to believe. In many ways, this is a positive step on the
road to adulthood and mature spirituality. Before you announce anything,
let's consider a few points:
1. What about your religion do you no longer
accept? Are there any aspects or beliefs that are still relevant? For
example, in parting company with your religion, do you feel that you
also no longer believe in God? Or is it specific aspects of your particular
religion that no longer are meaningful? Many young adults I know, for
example, find that they believe in God but that organized religions
do not seem to be speaking to their problems in any relevant manner.
2. What if any kind of spiritual beliefs
are you moving towards? A key realization for my daughter on her spiritual
journey was the discovery that her spiritual needs were met more through
her music than through formal Church.
You may want to find an adult with whom you can discuss such issues.
Ideally such person would be someone who can listen to you and give you
feedback without judgment. As far as your wish to not hurt anyone, I imagine you're talking mainly
about your parent or parents. The best that you can do is to be honest first
of all and to not attack the religious tradition which may still have meaning
to them. Emphasize what you're moving towards. And, above all, you may want to
remind your parents that your move away from religion does not have to be
viewed as a move away from them.
03/15/98
Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist
in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology
and spirituality.
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