One evening while having a late dinner with my parents, I received an urgent call from a friend asking for a quiet place with an empty couch to sleep on for the night. Knowing him well, it had seemed out of character for him to call on a moment's notice like this and make such a request. Nonetheless, I invited him over, fearing the worst.

Later he sat in my living room describing his terrible problem: he had become so stressed by his job, school, and the quickened pace of life in general that he now feared that if his loved ones tried to help, he might "unload" on them by accident. Instantly, the things he described were familiar to me also. Here he was, entering the holiday season and working two jobs, neither of which could provide enough money to justify the extreme hours he was putting in, nor the lack of sleep which resulted from this schedule. Eventually, it had begun to lead to trouble between he and his girlfriend, his parents, college professors expecting assignments on time, and of course, his employers.

Exposing Problems to the Mind's Eye

First I acknowledged his stress, reminding him that the things he described weren't uncommon for anyone, especially with the Christmas season approaching. After he had outlined his stress-causing agents, I offered a suggestion. "Have you ever tried meditating?"

"I'm not entirely sure I know how," he said. What he might not have realized however is that meditation, in its simplest form, can be as basic as you need it to be! Anything that will allow you to focus objectively on a problem in a beneficial way can be looked at as a form of meditation. The idea isn't so much to solve a problem as it is to simply identify it. The trick is just relaxing enough to be able to visualize those problems effectively, and contrary to popular belief, it doesn't have to take hours to do so.

I began describing a method I often use to focus on issues that trouble me, where I sit and envision that place, person, or thing, and begin picking over it with my mind's eye. I'll imagine it down to the tiniest detail and to the best of my ability, until finally I'm left with an honest, exposed image in my mind. Often, this process not only ends up putting the problem out in the open, but mentally it serves as a way of placing a healthy bit of distance between it and you. As they say, sometimes you have to take a good step back to see "the big picture," right? Once you can visualize a problem clearly, you also may begin to realize that it isn't as scary as it seemed before you began the exercise.

The Circle of Fear

"One of my earliest mentors growing up was Bruce Lee," I continued. Not only was he fast, cool, and tough as a mule, but having read his journals published after his death, I learned that many of his Martial Arts principles apply very easily (and very well) to coping with stress. In fact, Lawrence Leshan, author of the book How to Meditate, once said, "A good program of meditation is, in many ways, quite similar to a good program of physical exercise." I began to describe for my friend a simple illustration Lee had used for identifying a physical threat, where you imagine a circle drawn around you, its outer edges the same distance from you as your leg extended in a side-kick. "As long as your enemy is outside this circle, they can't harm you," he had described. Obviously, this was meant in a very literal way by Lee, in that an unarmed enemy approaching you with intent to do damage can't reach you until they have entered this "circle." This, simply put, allows you to identify when something is a threat in your environment.

But if used in conjunction with the thought game from before, its application also enters the realm of meditation. "Now imagine the raw, naked problem from before, along with several others that might be troubling you. Where does it sit in your life, inside or outside your circle?" Finally, Lee said that the simplest way to keep the enemy out of your circle is to step back, increasing the distance between you and he. This isn't to say that one should step back to escape a problem, but just to step back and allow another honest look at what's really troubling you at a given time, or rather, what should be. If you have an exam on Monday, it's Friday right now, and your girlfriend and you are on the rocks as we speak, she is most likely in your "circle." The exam is not, however, and probably shouldn't be, at least until Sunday afternoon when you sit down for that final study session.

Life can indeed seem overwhelming at times, and unfortunately there is no such thing as a completely "stress-free lifestyle" anymore. Even still, things shouldn't ever have to lead to desperation! When the inevitable happens and the stress of your career, school, or life in general cause you to distance yourself from loved ones out of fear of "unloading", remember to meditate on your problem first and find out where it sits in relation to your "circle." It's only a threat if it's inside, and nine times out of ten, exercises like this will help you see that your problems are, in fact, just barely within sight, much less close enough to do any damage! For the record, not only is my friend in a much better state of mind by now, but he has mentioned using this process successfully many time since we discussed it that evening. Just remember, relaxation is the key to turning your circle of fear into a circle of power.

References:

Davich, Victor. 8 Minute Meditation: Quiet Your Mind, Change Your Life. Berkley Publishing Group. New York, 2004.

Lee, Bruce. Tao of Jeet Kune Do. Ohara Publications, Incorporated, 1975.

Leshan, Lawrence. How to Meditate: A Guide to Self Discovery. Little, Brown and Company. New York, 1974.

9/7/2007

Articles, though factually based, are opinion pieces.