So often, after someone has been bereaved, people encourage them to move forward with their lives. For someone who has been bereaved, the words moving forward is the last thing they want to hear, since they are still reeling from their loss and trying to make some sense of it. What does moving forward mean?

The term moving forward has a different meaning for everyone. People transfer their own idea of moving forward to the bereaved person's situation. They have their own belief system regarding death and the bereavement process, developed from their family of origin and life experiences. People often feel uncomfortable if what you say or do doesn't match their expectation of what they would do in the same situation. The bereaved person is often besieged with advice on how to act, what to do, and how to move forward with their lives.

If you've been bereaved, the most important thing to remember is to listen to your body. Your body is the best barometer for determining the level of comfort with something someone is telling you. If you feel uncomfortable, it s probably wrong for you. Identify what is comfortable for you in your life right now. Six months or one year from now what's comfortable for you may change, but being with yourself where you are, and doing things that are good for you right now, is the best way that you are moving forward with your life. Give yourself permission to engage in behaviors and activities that you want and need to do for yourself, as long as the behaviors and activities are not harmful. It is possible that by not moving forward with your life by others' standards, you give yourself the gift of being present the way you are today. When you are ready to move forward, you will do so naturally, in a way that is right for you.

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Lorry Dietrich, MA, is a personal and professional coach with a graduate degree in psychology. She works with individuals in personal transition and improving their lives. P.O. Box 188, Fairview Village, PA 19409, (610) 539-9695.