Mom's sex education of son

[John]

In all my viewing of post, I have never seen anything positive about a parent being agressive sexually with a child. I found my experiences with Mom as enjoyable, benificial and bonding for myself. Mom also surely enjoyed our activities together. Although we did everything but actual intercourse as that she said that would be incest and wrong, she arranged for and supervised/instructed me in intercourse with my grade school gym teacher. I was 13 at the time though our activities began at 11. From 13 - 18, we had no further sexual contact. At 18, she wanted to send me off to the Navy with a fond memory - a Blow Job that I still cherish the memory of. My wife does not suspect how I got my tender expertise but we are both greatful for what Mom taught me. May she rest in peace! Love you MOM!

Has anyone else benifited from what most today would call sexual abuse???

[Babe]

John,

In all my research, speaking with others who were incested by a relative, male and female. I have never heard anything positive about it.  This leads me to be inclined to these observations. 1~Other person's are not being forth righ and honest about their abusive experience. 2~You are in denial big time. Having such a sad experience has warpped your sense of morals and ethics or you never had the ability to develop them in the first place.  

*As a side note:  Many I have spoken with express confusion and guilt at the natural bodily responses, as their true sense of being, the soul and the intellect of the mind merged healthily, recognises this is not appropiate.   Also, I sure woudn't tell your wife. It might be more information than she would want or be able to handle. Just my thought.  One question?  If you have cildren or did have children. How would you feel if your wife did this? A second question? If you have or did have a daughter would you do this on behalf of sex ed?  

* "Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1830's,  said:

"The measure of a man's(woman's) real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out."
Respectfully,  Babe

[jellybean]

Babe, very true. It is sad that some of us have had our values distorted before we even had a chance to form them. As I read this guy's letter, I thought aboput my own childhood. I was not sexually abused but my mother was involved in selling drugs. It was the norm for me to help in some of the drug preparation and it was also the "norm" for all sorts of people (drug users) to be in or around our home any time of day. It was part of life and as a child, you find acceptance with what you are exposed to. Only later in life and only very gradually, did I start seeing what was wrong with my upbringing. I realised it wasn't great that my first experiences with taking harmful drugs were actually with my own mother! I remember taking speed at ten. Thank God I didn't end up on crack! I was especially upset to see my young sister helping my mother cutting up dried cannabis a few years ago and made my feelings known. Me and my mother haven't spoken in a while. She will not approach me and has condemned me as a trouble-maker because at the heart of it, she is ashamed at these things (and others) that were allowed to be part of my childhood. You only have one childhood, y'know. I don't hate her. I think parents who do wrong deserve forgiveness if they are truly ashamed and remorseful because the mental torment they experience as a result of their guilt (and typically made worse when they try to deny that guilt) is punishment enough. But the point is, parents CAN do wrong to their children which their children accept as "right" because to challenge this means dealing with frightening issues such as abuse of trust and having to admit their parents were not so "nice" after all. And worse - if their parents could knowingly take advantage of them, could they end up doing the same to their little ones? Which is terrifying, so I can understand why some folk feel better about candy-coating their childhood sexual/mental/physical abuse experience as "positive" when it is nothing more than a bitter, complex pill of sickness that needs to be seen for what it is and addressed.

[Katie (another one)]

Oh, @!#$!  She got you nice and early, and make you as sick as her.

[Babe]

Hi jellybean and Katie (a-o),

Katie  Got a laugh at this one. Where's that collected, calm, beautiful Woman I am used to? Kidding. I can be tactful. We all have our moments.

jellybean, I hear ya. I caught the last of Oprah today. A young woman who set out on a trip across the US to meet other women with her same name. It turned out that she found a disturbing fact among the others she looked up. They had all suffered at the hands of some sort of abuse. Many in childhood. Sexual. She then began to deal with her own past. Her father, sister and brother. The girls were victimized by their father and brother. From wee small. She had pictures to confront her father. He completely dismissed her memories and tried to tell her she was wrong. No I'm sorry. No remorse. DENIAL. Then he transposed that he thought she was trying to split the family. Now, the brother had been estranged for years. 14 years. She looked him up and had a reunion. Confided and found it in her heart to forgive the brother. The father was one sad and slick ----------you fill in the blanks. Her mother stood behind the father. Never ceases to amaze me how cold these creeps are. She was imoblized and could not open the photos. I give. Never going to get used to it. Sickness at it's worst and Evil at it's best.  Luv, Babe

[pete]

what about your dad?

[Helper]

I'd just like to say that if Mother and son were happy with what went on  it's fine - as long as it was with consent on both sides. I would worry about the circle continuing - for example a future child being exposed to the same kind of sexual 'conditioning'. I think 11yrs is too young and I can see why others are worried about this. But remember we go through times of acceptence and non-acceptence. Remember when the Greeks were privelaged for their sons to be taken by other men? Now it would be unnacceptable. Remember when it was right to burn 'witches' at the stake? Now it would not. My point is that we think we are right and whoever else is wrong. As long as that two year sexual awakening did not harm anyone else and will NOT continue as a cycle to affect any children for this guy who are we to criticize it - nobodies - let us not preach but only recommend from personal experience. He has had the courage to speak his mind as others have on this board - let's not accept some and rebuff others - we are here to help all and listen to all - otherwise why do you think it is difficult to impossible for some to seek help for fear of being attacked or labled and then we blame them for not seeking help or we blame them for doing what they have without us listening to their past experiences which led them up that road in life. We are to blame also so I thank this individual for his post. Just for the record I have been sexually abused and raped and if I can accept what this guy has to say without judgment so can you. Good luckxxxxx