Author Topic: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????  (Read 5269 times)

Paula

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Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« on: February 04, 2006, 03:08:15 AM »
I have been with my boyfriend for 1 now and am fed up of him always checking out other women.  When I started dating my guy my mates thought it was an unusual match as he wasn't the type I would normally go for in the looks department as I had usually been out with very good looking men.  

Anyway my guy says he can't understand why I am with him as he thinks I am much better looking than him and could get anyone I want.  Which I don't think is true. But anyway, wherever we go he is always looking at other women, even my friends!  

I always make an effort to look nice for him but it doesn't make any difference.

Nights out, trips out always the same letching....  This really does my head in.  Seems a bit of a contradiction that he says he loves me and thinks I am gorgeous but still eyes up other gals.

Call me insecure or whatever but I am fed up of this and it is really affecting our relationship.  He swears he isn't checking these women out but I can see with my own eyes that he is.  This is making me feel like crap.

Anyone else been in this situation before?  Would appreciate your comments.

Thanks, Paula

one4tea

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2006, 04:44:03 AM »
He sounds like a people watcher to me. I do it all the time.  Women are like flowers. Some people love to look at them others dont care at all whats in the garden.   I love looking at people, what they wear , how thier hair is done etc. He probably doesnt even know he is doing it. You should try not to notice so much. Insecurity is not very pretty. If you know you look good and you know he loves you then you should be secure no matter where he looks. How many guys look at you in a day. They look at me and my hubby doesnt freak , he is proud. If you love this guy then let this issue go or you will ruin the relationship. All men look and so do women. Try working on being secure in yourself and then it wont matter.  BTW he notices you being checked out too, does he complain to you?

Reflection

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2006, 05:16:11 PM »
Hey Paula, what would happen if you started checking out other guys?   Give it a try and let us know.  For some reason you seem to be very insecure in this relationship any ideas why?

kelly

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2006, 06:03:00 AM »
Hey Paula,

Well, men tend to look at woman more than us woman check men out.
 Can I ask how old are you?  The reason I ask is that I am 36 and I know that when I was in my twenties I was not concerned much at all about my boyfriend of many years  looking at other woman, as a matter of fact I never even noticed if he did, and he may have.  But then, about 33 I started to feel insecure about him looking at woman.

 Of course, in the past 5 years the world has changed so much about woman- wouldn't you agree?  I mean, woman today are so much more...should I say "loose" (without offending us woman.)
  You know the internet has made woman into sex objects more than ever, and woman in general have taken on an aggresive roll, almost like men! Yikes.
 I think it is sad that woman cannot be feminine that much any more in this world that gears EVERYTHING towards sex & woman being sex objects.
 Ok enough said there, so my thoughts are this-
do the same thing that HE does when you go into public.  

Here's an expamle:  
                     You & him sitting there having a cocktail and chatting it up at some restaurant, some girl walks by swinging her hair and shaking her booty and he checks her out.

 Ok, here is your move:
                       some good looking guy strolls by, MAKE SURE you stare at him!  I know it is not in our nature to be this way, but do it anyway.  OK?   And then do it again, next time you see him doing it.  AND then he may ask after a few times why you are staring at these men?  And you can explain that you are not.  And then explain that you doing the same thing he is doing, didn't think there was any problem with that.  Hmmm.  And you can even tell him that it kinda bugged you that he was doiong that, but then you realize that it is probably ok to do that of he is doing that.  Make sure you say all this in a nieve fashion and be nice about it.  Works every time!!  Good luck!

Erica

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2006, 08:10:01 AM »
Paula I believe the reason you feel like "crap" when your boyfriend looks at other women when with you is because it is down right Disrespectful and Rude.

I disagree with the other posters...ie..to give him a taste of his own medicine...your boyfriend's behavior is despicable and why should you lower yourself to his level? If he behaves like this when he is with you, imagine what he does when you are not around!!

Maggie D.

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2006, 01:09:19 PM »
Erica, come on.  Don't you think it's human nature to look at attractive people?  Men do it and women do it as well.  Women probably just have a bit more class when they're doing it.  I do agree that it would be rude to turn your head to look at someone walking by, but just to casually glance at them shouldn't be a huge deal.

Erica

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2006, 08:36:04 PM »
Maggie,Tea,Reflection,Kelly,all..if you read Paula's statements her boyfriend is not just looking at other people..only at other girls!  
I too like people watching but her boyfriend seems to direct his line of vision only at other girls...and for her to feel uncomfortable...his constant "looking" and not just "glancing" seems pretty obnoxious. I think Paula should confront him, explain how it makes her uncomfortable and if his behavior does not change either live with it or adios.

Paula

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2006, 06:55:18 AM »
Hi all, thanks for your comments.  I have confronted him but he says he is not doing anything even though I know he is!! He is a lovely guy in every other way except this.  

How would you feel if you got all dressed up to go out with your boyfriend and instead of looking at you was checking out other girls.  I commented on him staring at a friend of mine when we were out one night and he said well she's not as gorgeous as you!!!  He then went on to ask me how I would describe her?!!  I don't stare at his friends and I agree, I think it is rude and disrespectful.  

I know there are lots of attractive ladies out there as there are attractive men but I don't go checking every good looking guy out that walks past - I have eyes for my man, so why would I?

I think I will try giving him a taste of his own medicine and see how he feels.

one4tea

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2006, 07:04:54 AM »
I dont think that will work. If his personality is as nice as you say he probably isnt lying.  I really think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. You are upsetting yourself dear paula. Please dont do that. We have enough in life to deal with without getting all  upset about minor things. He loves you and that is what matters.

Erica

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Re: Why does my boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2006, 07:53:56 AM »
Paula, the reason I can empathize with you is because I remember during my dating years being on both sides. Lucky for me I was not in a serious relationship with those guys that "stared" at other females while with me. I for some reason used to feel sorry for females who were with guys who "stared" at me. Trust me when I say that I was not one of those sashaying females looking for attention.

Because you state that he is a lovely person except for this peculiar behavior, I suspect that it may just be a "learned behavior".
 What I would do, instead of giving him a taste of his own medicine..which I really think will make you uncomfortable, is discuss it again with him..get him to agree that you will give him a Good Kick under the table or a shove everytime he does it...maybe this will knock some sense into him...

Kelly

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Take Action sister!
« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2006, 11:06:23 AM »
Paula,

Seriously, if you do the same thing he is doing-then he will get the picture, trust me.  Men opperate this way.  They don't know how it feels til they are in your shoes.  He will understand when you do it to him.  And you don't have to be rudly obivious about it either.
Just give  a good stare at a few men that are handsome and make sure he see's you doing this.  
Most likely he will ask you why you are staring at these men.
 He will, trust me.  Then you go ahead and tell him "you didn't think there was anything wrong with it, since he does it a lot"
And then don't make a big deal out of it.  I know the others here don't believe in giving a little taste of ones "own" medicine. But, you have 2 choices.  
1.) you can be whinny and wimpy and ask him again to stop doing that and tell him it really bothers you he does that.  Of course saying that will give him the huge impression that you are insecure and he is in total control.  
OR
 2.)  You can be a strong woman- give a little taste of own med's. and keep your self confidence.  
Granted he is a nice guy you say.  There are a lot of nice guys out there that do the same thing your guy is doing to you.  Ask yourself this question, what if you were not there?  He would be staring and probably takin git a step further than that!

today

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Re: Take Action sister!
« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2006, 01:46:08 PM »
Ok,

My boyfriend also did or does the same thing.  The only difference is he is verbal about it too.

I've ranted and spoke my peace many a time and he still does not understand my point of view.

I am very confident of my own looks and persona but when a guy is being down right vulgar and disrespectful with his woman in a public place well then woman YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.

If he stills does not get it, then he won't, like my boyfriend.  What do I do?  
I spend my energies, mind and self with activities that are with myself more..............and places too.

Hector

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Re: Why does your boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2006, 03:53:06 PM »
Well said one4tea,  I totally agree.  I actually don't mind when guys check my sex queen out.  Loosen up Paula,  you're just too aware but maybe your BF is rubbing it in too much.  Maybe he's testing you.  Start dressing more sexy and make sure the guys can see.  Check your BF's reaction out.  You don't wanna be jealous like grittle.

Grits

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Re: Why does your boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2006, 01:06:07 AM »
Gee, why do I think I know you? You are going to ride this jealous thing aren't you?

Hector

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Re: Why does your boyfriend stare at other women????
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2006, 03:49:54 PM »
Grits, if you feel you know me then you're not where you say you're from.  But hey grittle, you don't know me.