Virtual romance is a general or generic term, like cyber-relationships. It is what the person wants it to be. Some people will consider virtual romance to be an online relationship; some will want it to be a cyber-sexual relationship, and some will want it to develop into an offline relationship.

We will emphasize some of the disappointments and heartaches that can be experienced in cyber-relationships, and if you choose to pursue such a romance, we will point out some of the ways in which you can protect yourself and your loved ones.

Our SelfhelpMagazine respondents helped us understand some of the pitfalls of virtual romance.

Beth said, "Virtual romance can be dangerous if not in moderation. I do not recommend virtual romance to those with previous emotional problems. My sister battles with depression since she was a teenager. She got caught in an affair that ripped her heart out and dropped her into another depression. She's been in therapy ever since."

Harry observed, "When reality sets in, you could be alone. If you let yourself get too involved, the person might not be around when you need to talk."

Of course, there are many successful relationships that start online.

Ricky tells us, "I met my best friend, and eventually my lover online. At first we just talked, but soon I found myself falling in love. I never had any intention of meeting anyone offline when I joined the chat, but I guess love is unpredictable."

Many people separate their online world from their offline world. Like Ricky, some people never have the intention to carry their relationships into the physical world. Dangers may still lurk though, both emotionally and physically. The next few sections will deal with keeping you safe in the virtual world.

*Much gratitude is extended to those who helped clarify, amplify, and edit the material used in this article, Rona Subotnik, MA; Les Posen, Ph.D.; Manny Tau, Ph.D.; Martha Bank, Ph.D.; Rosalie Ackerman, Ph.D.; Thomas Williams, Ph.D.; and Cleo Kiernan.

12/01/01

Dr. Maheu is an author, speaker, and researcher. She is the lead author of E-Health, Telehealth & Telemedicine: A Guide to Program Startup and Success co-written with Pamela Whitten and Ace Allen, published by Jossey-Bass: San Francisco. Infidelity on the Internet is Dr. Maheu's second book and she's currently working her third, tentatively titled "The Mental Health Professional Online: New Questions and Answers." For more information about her speaking schedule, see this page: http://telehealth.net/speak.html