Julie Albright, writing in Online Love, found that many people reported a similar pattern occurring in their online relationships. Albright writes, "Once having met online, they soon exchange phone numbers and call each other, often exchange photos, followed by a 'fleshmeet' (the time the two online lovers first meet in person). Many interviewees reported an escalation in the number of phone calls and email or time spent online chatting as the attraction between the online lovers grew." Both positive and negative experiences have been reported with offline meetings.

Lili, a twenty-nine-year-old mother of two young children reported, "I felt very positive about meeting. I think it is because we have exchanged pictures, phone calls, and phone sex. We really had gotten to know each other as normal, everyday people, like any other romance. I was also able to see that he didn't wear a wedding band, and because he was tanned, didn't show signs of having worn one recently. I relaxed a little more with this added evidence. But it wasn't until I could look into his eyes and ask him about other relationships that I could feel more confident about trusting him. This worked for us. We met a few more times, and on our fifth visit, I introduced him to my children. We are still happy together."

Meg, a thirty-seven-year-old videographer wrote, "We met and had sex before the weekend was over, after we had spent a time getting comfortable around one another. Things just naturally progressed in that direction. I would have to say that both the cyber-sex and the real thing were both amazing. I think we felt very close because we already knew so much about each other."

Both Lili and Meg had very positive experiences, but not all turn out this way. To protect yourself, there are a number of guidelines you should follow if you plan to meet a cyber-lover face-to-face. The following section lists a number of these guidelines.

*Much gratitude is extended to those who helped clarify, amplify, and edit the material used in this article, Rona Subotnik, MA; Les Posen, Ph.D.; Manny Tau, Ph.D.; Martha Bank, Ph.D.; Rosalie Ackerman, Ph.D.; Thomas Williams, Ph.D.; and Cleo Kiernan.

References
Albright, J. C., & Conran, T. (1996). Online love: Sex, gender and relationships in cyberspace. Retrieved May 11, 1998 from the World Wide Web:
http://www-scf.usc.edu/~albright/onlineluv.txt

12/01/01

Dr. Maheu is an author, speaker, and researcher. She is the lead author of E-Health, Telehealth & Telemedicine: A Guide to Program Startup and Success co-written with Pamela Whitten and Ace Allen, published by Jossey-Bass: San Francisco. Infidelity on the Internet is Dr. Maheu's second book and she's currently working her third, tentatively titled "The Mental Health Professional Online: New Questions and Answers." For more information about her speaking schedule, see this page: http://telehealth.net/speak.html