6. To give of ourselves and help others.

While we must take care of ourselves and our own well-being first and foremost, we also need to give to others. It is in giving love, care and generosity that we receive what we need in return. These things are not returned because they are owed it to us, but because as other peoples' needs are met, they have the emotional energy to give as well. When in relationships with people who take and are unable to give, the "takers" needs are so great that they drain the life from us, and we may become emotionally depleted, bitter and resentful. This is the classic co-dependent relationship, which is often found in families with addictions, physical or emotional disabilities and other dysfunctional relationships.

7. Irrational Beliefs

We all have irrational beliefs from time to time. There are several things we unknowingly do to ourselves that can restrict our lives or cause emotional distress. These errors in thinking, which we have picked up along the way, can be changed, once we begin to catch ourselves making them.

Our belief systems are composed of values learned at home and from other influences in our lives. Some are irrational and outdated, and holding onto them can be a source of stress and low self-esteem. For example, you may turn minor troubles into major crises if you believe failure is a tragedy, or you may put too much energy into trying to be "perfect." If you believe that life should always be fun, you may face intense disappointment when it isn't. If you learned never to talk to strangers and still believe that warning, it can cause a great deal of anxiety when the person sitting next to you on the subway strikes up a conversation.

Take a look at some of your beliefs. One might be, "Children are to be seen and not heard." What are some family beliefs that you hold onto? How do these beliefs cause you distress? Think back to your childhood, and remember what some of the favorite family sayings or mottos were. Are they still rational?

LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW
Author of Growing up Sane (in uncertain times)
Seminar Leader Growing Well Adjusted Kids
Editor-in-Cheif Person to Person: Strengthening Youth & Families
Telephone Counselor Affinity Counseling Center
Affinity Books & Resource Center: Your Source for Emotional Wellness