In my part-time private practice as a Psychologist, a sizable portion of my clientele consists of individuals who are grieving a loss. Their losses can take many different forms. The most frequent types of loss I see are death, the ending of a relationship, or a significant debilitating injury. In some cases, the losses have been of a sudden and traumatic nature. When listening to my patients' experiences, I am so often moved by their strength and resilience in having coped with, and, in many cases, transcended their circumstances.
Before starting to work on confidence, I recommend freeing yourself from the pressure to "be a confident person." Confidence isn't so much a personality trait as how comfortable you feel in particular situations. See for yourself. Take out a piece of paper and write down all the situations you can think of when you feel less confident than you'd like. Now consider everything else you do. Tidying up, watching TV, surfing the Internet....There are dozens of situations you do face confidently. Think, too, if there's been a time when a friend you admired for his/her confidence voiced a problem with a situation you have no trouble with yourself. Even the most outgoing person at the office can freeze up on a first date!
The "Tip of the Tongue" experience is that frustrating experience when the word you are looking for is right on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't seem to get it out. This phenomenon has been studied by scientists for decades. This short article discusses a scientific approach, its conclusions and how to assist your memory recall as you get older.
Explanations for the experience, labeled the "tip-of-the-tongue" or TOT state by researchers who study it, has, up until now, revolved around a blocking theory that suggested that words of similar meaning or sound "blocked" the path of the word you were looking for.
Have you ever heard those words? I have, a million times, and I tried to comply for decades. I thought my sensitivity was preventing me from fitting in and I wanted to be "normal." I couldn't do it, no matter how much I tried. When I pretended to be what I thought was acceptable, I looked foolish. I knew that I couldn't let myself be known for who I really was so I had to develop diversionary techniques. I learned to listen and ask questions and keep the spotlight off me. The relationships which evolved weren't satisfying, but I thought that at some point I would feel safe enough to open up.
Contrary to popular belief, having more children born into a family does not necessarily result in lower-IQ children. In their study, the researchers looked at data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (NLSY), which gave them the opportunity to look at a large random national sample of families that included children whose academic performance had been reviewed multiple times throughout their academic careers. The NLSY originated in 1972 as a household probability sample of the nation's youth ages 14-22. For 22 years the sample followed 11,406 young people at yearly intervals. Starting in 1986, the children born to the original female respondents were surveyed every other year. The family structure measures and intelligence scores of these children provide the basic data used in this study.
We don't choose what happens to us be we always have a choice about how we respond. We each have many aspects to our being. And each of those aspects offers us a way of perceiving and thinking and responding. I call our many parts, sub personalities. We each have an Adult who thinks rationally and can be objective, a Child filled with feelings, a Controller who shields us from vulnerability, a Rebellious Teenager who will not acquiesce, a Nurturing Parent who supports our Child in her growth, a Spiritual Seeker who envisions a greater reality than can be seen by the eyes, a Victim who whines, and many more. Some of us have a well defined Artist. Others have well developed Athlete. These sub personalities are normal and healthy and enrich our lives. When it comes to responding to circumstances, we want to choose which sub personality will decide and act responsibly.
The mind is the molder of our personal and communal world. The mind can create authentic happiness. Every event we perceive through our senses is analyzed, evaluated and registered in the mind as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Our belief systems seek to determine whether each perceived input is something, which will "protect" or "endanger" our security, self-worth and/or freedom. When life’s events are interpreted by our programmed mind as threatening, fearful or unpleasant, we experience a state of anxiety and tension. When anxiety and nervous tension become a chronic situation, then the body and mind are gradually worn down into a state of weakness and ill health. A psychosomatic illness is created. The energy flow, concentration and clarity of the mind are disturbed. Organs begin to malfunction. Negative emotional states such as depression, bitterness, fear, anger, hate, envy, jealousy and resentment dominate the mind. Our relationships begin to deteriorate and a feeling of alienation can set it. It is time for "Attitude Therapy."
Relaxing regularly and deeply is the perfect remedy for your stress management toolbox. The World Health Organization predicts that stress-related disorders and psychological disorders will be the second leading cause of disabilities in the world by 2020. The good news is that we can each take action to prevent and/or cope with stress. It’s time to take stress seriously and learn to do things that really release stress and result in reducing muscular tension, regulating blood pressure and even relieving pain.
Kids grow up watching you for a living, and let’s face it, they learn pretty quickly how to push your buttons. It might be back talk, or constant complaining or eye-rolling, but whatever the behavior, nearly every parent will occasionally lose their temper with their kids. Regardless of the situation it is important to keep your cool. Many parents control their emotions most of the time. However, many don’t manage their emotions well, either occasionally or chronically. This article is for parents who struggle with keeping their emotions in check. In this discussion, “losing your temper” is generally defined as: yelling at kids, calling them names, slamming things on the counter, giving bigger consequences than are needed, and refusing to meet basic needs, such as by saying, “No supper tonight.”
When my daughter was born they said she had a small hearing loss that could escalate as she got older. I was not given any specific parenting advice but I decided that I should be proactive. From the time I brought her home from the hospital I began showing her the vowel sounds. You know, a - e - i - o and u. I would press my lips to hers and say the different vowel sounds in a very slow methodical way.
Dragging out each letter for about five seconds. I was thrilled when she mimicked me and did it back. The first thing I made sure she saw from me when she awoke every morning was a big smile to let her know that I was thrilled to see her. I even did this if she awoke crying. When I spoke I made sure it was in a very quiet pleasant voice. I touched her often, hugging her and stroking her hand, back or hair. What I did not do is make her hug, kiss or be held by me or anyone else if she did not want to. This was the beginning of my teaching her that you do not have to do or allow anything to happen to you that you don't want. I did not want to teach her that this is rude.