At the heart of most people's relationship insecurities is a fear of infidelity. The dishonesty and betrayal can be too much to bear, and a significant portion of marriages end when infidelity is revealed. Infidelity, however, remains common. Slightly under half of men and women admit to at least one instance of unfaithfulness. Infidelity is so common that some marriage and sex experts have argued in favor of loosening the rules. Sex columnist Dan Savage, for example, argues that monogamy shouldn't be a marital deal breaker and that couples should be flexible with their approach to monogamy. The reasons people cheat are as diverse and varied as people themselves, but some common themes run through most infidelity stories.
One evening while having a late dinner with my parents, I received an urgent call from a friend asking for a quiet place with an empty couch to sleep on for the night. Knowing him well, it had seemed out of character for him to call on a moment's notice like this and make such a request. Nonetheless, I invited him over, fearing the worst. I knew that he had been under a lot of stress recently. My mind immediately went to the idea of teaching him how to meditate. Later he sat in my living room describing his terrible problem: he had become so stressed by his job, school, and the quickened pace of life in general that he now feared that if his loved ones tried to help, he might "unload" on them by accident. Instantly, the things he described were familiar to me also. Here he was, entering the holiday season and working two jobs, neither of which could provide enough money to justify the extreme hours he was putting in, nor the lack of sleep which resulted from this schedule. Eventually, it had begun to lead to trouble between he and his girlfriend, his parents, college professors expecting assignments on time, and of course, his employers.
The public perception of bullying is that bullies are acting out to cover their own fears. They may indeed be afraid, but accepting this as a reason makes bullies sound like victims of their fears -- like we're supposed to feel sorry for them and not hold them responsible for their abusive actions. But dealing with bullying in this way misses the point. The issue is not whether bullies are afraid.
Bullies bully other people to feel powerful around them and to feel power over them. Bullies start out feeling like zeroes, like nobodies. When they intimidate, threaten or hurt someone else, then they feel like somebody. The key is the feeling of power.
The idea of treating alcoholism in the context of marriage and family (as opposed to seeing it solely as a problem of the individual) has gained wider acceptance in the practitioner community in recent years, but according to an article in the June issue of Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, published by the American Psychological Association (APA), "methods that have shown promise in outcome research are not widely used by practitioners who treat alcoholics and their families" and more widely used methods have not been systematically studied. But authors Robert J. Rotunda, Ph.D., and Timothy J. O'Farrell, Ph.D., of the Harvard Medical School also describe a clinical research program that bridges the gap between research and practice.
I drink 5-9 beers almost every night in a bar for socialization. How can I continue with the social aspect and not drink.
Drinking that much "almost every night" suggests that it's become a very integrated part of your socialization. So not drinking and putting yourself in that particular bar to socialize may be difficult. Consider not drinking for a couple weeks and socializing in places other than the bar. This may be easier as you won't have as many cues to drink as in your favorite hangout. Then, when you're comfortable socializing and not drinking (which can take some time), consider returning to your old haunt. When you do, plan ahead. Think about what you'll order to drink. What you'll say to your old drinking buddies. Consider some activities that keep your hands busy. Play pool, shoot darts. And don't be surprised if some of your old drinking buddies aren't as friendly if you aren't drinking with them. Your true friends will be glad to see you.
Issues related to racism get particularly complex when children are involved. In an area that has been highly controversial and lacking adequate scientific attention, we are finally seeing studies emerge that help us better understand the very complicated process of how racism develops in children. With the publication and dissemination of this study, it is hoped that an interest will be stirred in the scientific community to continue funding such studies so that more reliable information can be learned.
Ah, the thrill of parenting . . . such an exciting time, filled with hopes and dreams for new couples. Couples who, until now, have been totally focused on one another, who have learned to ebb and flow as one, who have shared everything together. Suddenly, the new baby enters their family, their home, their lives . . . the couple is now a threesome, or worse, one parent and the baby become a unit, with the other partner feeling left out and alone. Soon, fatigue and sleep deprivation begin to catch up with the adult half of the new parent/child unit.
Michael is a successful business owner who came to me for coaching because he felt he was doing something wrong, even though his business was doing well. He had a persistent underlying feeling of being a failure, even though all the evidence pointed to the contrary.
Despite years of work by doctors and advocacy groups to obliterate the stigma surrounding mental health issues, some people feel a deep sense of shame because their brains work differently. The decision to take psychoactive medications can be a tough one, and fears about side effects, health insurance consequences, and a radical change in personality can compound the difficulty. But when therapy's not enough and lifestyle changes aren't doing the trick, medication can be the shakeup you need.
Sometimes I get so frustrated. I have a clear (very clear) notion of how things should be or the ending I would like; and there is nothing (NOTHING) I can do to effect an acceptable outcome. I get so tense. I do everything one could possibly expect, I think about alternatives and plan for them, I visualize a different life experience. And yet ... nothing changes. Or, rather, nothing visible changes.