On average, working adults are permitted to take off three "personal days" from their regular occupations to mourn the loss of their loved ones. In our fast paced, often hectic society — one which places a premium on hard work and productivity in the workplace — this time to oneself is usually deemed sufficient for making funeral arrangements, burying the dead, and mourning the loss. With the exception of offering the bereaved person some heartfelt expressions of condolence, (i.e., a sympathy card), the prevailing notion of our peers, including co-workers, members of our community, and even close friends and family is that the mourning process should be brief, rather than a long-drawn-out process. Continuing outward signs of distress are therefore deemed excessive, if not abnormal.
In my part-time private practice as a Psychologist, a sizable portion of my clientele consists of individuals who are grieving a loss. Their losses can take many different forms. The most frequent types of loss I see are death, the ending of a relationship, or a significant debilitating injury. In some cases, the losses have been of a sudden and traumatic nature. When listening to my patients' experiences, I am so often moved by their strength and resilience in having coped with, and, in many cases, transcended their circumstances.
It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It was 4:00 AM. I walked through the dark, cold, and lonely maze of more than 100 apartment buildings. I would go in the front door, throw a couple of newspapers in front of apartment doors, and go out the back door. It was 1974, and I delivered newspapers seven mornings a week. I was a year out of treatment for alcoholism, and life was difficult as I sought find the courage to compose a new life.
It's been decades since the witty romantic comedy "When Harry Met Sally" explored the still debatable question: "Can women and men be just friends?" Some people say "No way!" Heterosexual men and women can't be true friends. Blame the hormones! Attribute it to spousal jealousy. Point the finger at the predatory nature of men (and aggressive women) who "want only one thing". Or simply remember that men and women come from different planets, and interplanetary friendships have never worked. Despite the naysayers, what does the research show and what do the experts say? Since I am one of the experts (this was my dissertation topic), I'd like to share my findings with you. Despite the stories of Harry & Sally, men and women can be friends without the relationship transitioning into a sexual one.
The more homework students complete, especially from grades six to twelve, the better they do in school, according to research. The research also demonstrates that parental attitudes toward homework play an important role in their children's education. The study, which is the first to incorporate attitudinal measures into an analysis of the link between homework and achievement by examining the beliefs parents, teachers, and students hold regarding homework, represents an initial attempt to gather estimates of homework behavior from three sources.
Before starting to work on confidence, I recommend freeing yourself from the pressure to "be a confident person." Confidence isn't so much a personality trait as how comfortable you feel in particular situations. See for yourself. Take out a piece of paper and write down all the situations you can think of when you feel less confident than you'd like. Now consider everything else you do. Tidying up, watching TV, surfing the Internet....There are dozens of situations you do face confidently. Think, too, if there's been a time when a friend you admired for his/her confidence voiced a problem with a situation you have no trouble with yourself. Even the most outgoing person at the office can freeze up on a first date!
The "Tip of the Tongue" experience is that frustrating experience when the word you are looking for is right on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't seem to get it out. This phenomenon has been studied by scientists for decades. This short article discusses a scientific approach, its conclusions and how to assist your memory recall as you get older.
Explanations for the experience, labeled the "tip-of-the-tongue" or TOT state by researchers who study it, has, up until now, revolved around a blocking theory that suggested that words of similar meaning or sound "blocked" the path of the word you were looking for.
Have you ever heard those words? I have, a million times, and I tried to comply for decades. I thought my sensitivity was preventing me from fitting in and I wanted to be "normal." I couldn't do it, no matter how much I tried. When I pretended to be what I thought was acceptable, I looked foolish. I knew that I couldn't let myself be known for who I really was so I had to develop diversionary techniques. I learned to listen and ask questions and keep the spotlight off me. The relationships which evolved weren't satisfying, but I thought that at some point I would feel safe enough to open up.
Contrary to popular belief, having more children born into a family does not necessarily result in lower-IQ children. In their study, the researchers looked at data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (NLSY), which gave them the opportunity to look at a large random national sample of families that included children whose academic performance had been reviewed multiple times throughout their academic careers. The NLSY originated in 1972 as a household probability sample of the nation's youth ages 14-22. For 22 years the sample followed 11,406 young people at yearly intervals. Starting in 1986, the children born to the original female respondents were surveyed every other year. The family structure measures and intelligence scores of these children provide the basic data used in this study.
We don't choose what happens to us be we always have a choice about how we respond. We each have many aspects to our being. And each of those aspects offers us a way of perceiving and thinking and responding. I call our many parts, sub personalities. We each have an Adult who thinks rationally and can be objective, a Child filled with feelings, a Controller who shields us from vulnerability, a Rebellious Teenager who will not acquiesce, a Nurturing Parent who supports our Child in her growth, a Spiritual Seeker who envisions a greater reality than can be seen by the eyes, a Victim who whines, and many more. Some of us have a well defined Artist. Others have well developed Athlete. These sub personalities are normal and healthy and enrich our lives. When it comes to responding to circumstances, we want to choose which sub personality will decide and act responsibly.