Internet Health Support Groups
Coping With "Problem Posters"
Players

by M.E. Peychers, M.A.

The message board of a large internet group can prove irresistible to those wanting to be in the spotlight. It's like a giant stage where people with over-sized personalities get to play the starring role in front of a world-wide audience. Their efforts may involve manipulating the group as a whole, or playing mind-games with chosen individuals.

Trolls
A troll disrupts groups or boards by posting silly or aggressive messages. Sometimes a troll will hold fake arguments under several usernames, trying to draw genuine members into taking sides. Health groups make tempting targets. A few trolls are playful and amusing, but the worst are mean and destructive. Replying increases the chances of you becoming their next target. Since trolls build off interaction, the only sensible way to handle them is to ignore them.

A man posting nasty, troll-like messages at one health forum turned out to be an ex-member, come back to undermine it. The atmosphere in the group was always one of secrecy and shame. Members encouraged each other to believe that no one else could understand their embarrassing condition, so it was pointless even to try.

This man's health only improved after he began openly discussing his condition and his fears with family and friends. He now hoped that making the group a less pleasant place to hang out would encourage other members to leave and start seeking help out in the real world.

Hoaxers
Hoaxers may also try to get other members to play along. Some love being controversial and are fiercely proud of their unpopularity.

When members of one board ignored a salesman's product, he decided to have some sport. He claimed that a safe and popular treatment could cause blindness, then laughed at anyone who believed him. When later told off for saying that certain venomous creatures were harmless, he sneered that anyone who lacked a sense of humour didn't deserve to live.

Some hoaxers are even more vicious. A young mother's first post to a health board brought what looked like an affectionate reply from "an old friend." Fortunately, a moderator read the whole message and spotted the accusation that the new member was a former prostitute. Because the group was moderated, the woman never knew about this unprovoked attack.

In any area of life, we have to learn how to cope with unpleasant individuals. When people have this depth of contempt for humanity, it just isn't possible to negotiate with them.

If you see any nasty comments in posted messages, always ask the board-owner or a moderator to remove them. It doesn't have to be defamatory. Even if it just has you feeling unhappy, you have the right to ask for the post to be deleted or edited. Remember, support groups are meant to offer support. If yours isn't supportive, it isn't working properly.

Drama queens
These are the men or women who stage one dramatic performance after another. Their messages tend to be long and poetic, describing the "indescribable agony" of ruined lives. They regard themselves as emotionally tortured by whatever illness the group deals with. Even if it is normally considered a mild illness, doctors have told them, "yours is the worst case I've ever seen." They frighten new members by telling them, "you could end up like me."

Drama queens on the boards are sometimes angry, dominant people (Bernstein 2002). Sympathisers may be showered with praise while critics are labelled "cold and hurtful." Trying to divide a group into cliques or opposing camps is destructive. Remember, it's a health group, not a popularity contest. All members should be treated as equals.

If several members of a group dramatise their problems, it's easy for a board to be soured by "my life sucks worse than yours" competitions. Some gentle humour might help. If it doesn't, moderators can ask the more dramatic members to calm down.

On one board, a student alternated between talking about killing himself and saying "I'm feeling much better now." After a faked suicide attempt, he went back to posting as if nothing had happened. It can be difficult to sort the genuinely suicidal from those who are only play-acting, but the latter often show surprise and anger if people take them seriously.

Support groups are friendly places, and it is normal to sympathise with fellow members. What is not normal is exposing ordinary people to situations where they feel the need to decide whether or not other members might kill themselves.

Emotional blackmail is always unacceptable. People should never be pushed into feeling responsible for the well-being, let alone the life or death, of a stranger. Anyone who tries to create abusive situations should be expelled. Any health group that allows such situations to occur is itself sick and should be avoided.

References:
 
Bernstein, A.J., (2002): Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry. New York, McGraw-Hill
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoax
 
http://www.jfo.org.uk/info/new/troll.htm

Next: Coping with 'Problem Posters' - Land-Mines

7/26/2007