SelfhelpMagazine

by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.

Despite the fact that your wife betrayed you and then lied, you seem to want to believe her and wish to work things out between you. Now you still suspect something is going on, you feel suspicious, and yet you do not want to end your marriage.

You must either love your wife very much and want to trust her or you need her very much. In either case, the thought of leaving her apparently is not acceptable to you.

People have affairs for many different reasons. One of the most common reasons that that their needs aren't being met within the context of the marriage.

It's quite possible that your wife is not sufficiently happy to confront you with her dissatisfaction with the marriage, so she seeks extra-marital relationships to get what she needs. She might very well have had other reasons.

Her attachment to this other person seems great enough to risk hurting you and ruining your marriage. That is not a good sign.

If you do not know why she had that affair, you may want to find out. If you need the help of a marriage counselor to uncover that truth, pay the necessary fee, do the work and learn whatever it is you need to learn.

You are not sufficiently dissatisfied with the marriage to warrant leaving. There must be something in this relationship for the two of you to remain together despite her dissatisfaction and your hurt. Perhaps it's love, perhaps it's dependence, perhaps it's the fear of being alone.

Wife cheating leads to professional help

Based on the information given, however, it appears that both you and your wife could benefit from professional help to understand the nature of your relationship. A trained professional might be able to help you discover what's missing, help you each to understand your respective needs, and perhaps help you seek resolution and forge a new beginning.

Or perhaps through therapy you both will find the courage to admit the marriage is not working and, before hurting each other further, go learn how to your separate ways.

In order for a marriage to work, at a minimum, there needs to be mutual trust, mutual respect, honesty, and caring. The scenario you describe seems to be missing all four.

There is a series of articles dealing with marriage in this SelfhelpMagazine. They might help you get more clarity before making any decisions. Please check the Love Department section.

You might also consider posting your concerns in the FREE Community Forums, accessible through the top tool bar you see on this page.

There you will find many people, who like yourself, are seeking to understand their relationships. They may have found a wife cheating or have another marital issue. They show up and talk about themselves as well as share the valuable lessons they have learned along their paths.

About the Author:

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment. Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.