Become More Spiritual While Struggling with A Difficult Person

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

Question: I have been working on trying to become more spiritual but am struggling with someone in my life who is difficult. She acts very irresponsibly but still expects me and my family to help her. She has two children and complains constantly about not having the money to take care of them. I want to do the right thing spiritually.

Good for you for working on your spiritual side! Unfortunately, some people, in trying to become more spiritual, give too much power to guilt as far as decisions are concerned.

Sometimes bailing people out of difficult situations is not the most helpful step. Take, for example, the alcoholic asking for money to go buy more alcohol. The helpful thing here is not to provide money. If you believe the children are being neglected, perhaps you can speak to a pastor or other helping person regarding what a state agency might be able to do if it were to intervene.

If you wish to continue to provide financial support, perhaps what you can do is offer to pay a specific bill, e.g., electricity, rather than giving this person cash, you can give her a check made out to the electric company or have her give you the bill so that you can go to the utility and pay it yourself. In this way, you help without enabling this person's irresponsibility.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.

Originally published 12/07/98
Revised 04/30/2009 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.

Bookmark/Search this post with: