SelfhelpMagazine

by Cathleen Jo Faruque, LICSW, D.A.P.A.

The truth is, human beings are fortunately never too old to enjoy a happy and healthy sex life. Despite this good news, many people, young and old alike, are astounded at the idea of senior sex, that is, people remaining sexually active in their sixties, seventies, eighties and beyond.

Common Senior Sex Fears
It is frequently assumed that seniors lose their sexual desires or that they are physically unable to perform. We all recognize the media's portrayal of the elderly as sexually undesirable. The whole notion of elderly persons having sexual relations is portrayed as somehow perverse.

Yet, for the elderly, the ability to remain sexually active is a major concern in their lives. Fear about the loss of sexual prowess in older men is common.

Older women also express sexual desires, but may fear their interest is undignified and disgraceful. Some elderly persons may even freely accept their interests in sex, but their children or grandchildren may disapprove, making them feel guilty.

Societal Jokes and Perspectives on Senior Sex
Societal jokes about elderly men and sex ridicule them as impotent or as "dirty." A recent bumper sticker seen on the roads protests this idea: "I'm not a dirty old man, I'm a sexy senior citizen."

Elderly women can fare even worse in the public eye. They are the neuters of our culture. The great mystique of turning from the twenty something desirable and sexy younger woman, to the thirty something mature and intriguing woman and on to the steady decline in the fifties and sixties when a woman becomes a sexual non-being.

Nursing homes and senior residences contribute to the impression that the elderly are sexless. There are no provisions made in many senior institutions for privacy. There even seems to be an unspoken agreement that the elderly must be prevented from having any sexual contact.

Sad Realities and Their Causes
They are often segregated, men and women, with no visiting allowed in each other's rooms. Conjugal visits with spouses are rarely provided and even husbands and wives who live in the same institution are frequently separated. This problem is also evident for seniors who live with their adult children or in shared senior housing.

Even the Social Security Administration has been a barrier to remarriage, and consequently sexual activity, because widows who remarry are forced to give up their former husband's Social Security Benefits. In 1965, a reporter in Miami described this practice as the "Social Security Sin," as thousands of elderly persons were living together in common law arrangements to preserve their pensions.

The problem was partially alleviated when congress passed legislation that allowed widows to keep previous pensions or choose the new spouse's benefits, whichever sum is greater (Silverstone, Burack-Weiss, 1983).

The fear of death is another factor affecting sexuality in the elderly. There are many symbolic associations between sexual activity and death. Even the French word for orgasm, "petit mort" means literally "the little death." Fears of the occurrence of heart attacks or strokes during sex frequently lead to older couples abstaining from such activities regardless of medical advice to the contrary.

Female longevity creates another barrier to sexual activity in later years. Women tend to outlive their male counterparts by seven or more years, thus leaving many women without sexual partners in the later years. Society has condoned the relationships of older men and younger women, but tends to ostracize older women who establish relationships with younger men.

The number of available men as sexual partners for older women is further limited by the lower numbers of eligible older males. Extramarital affairs are taboo for many elderly both religiously and morally. Masturbation, although increasingly more acceptable, is still considered shameful or harmful for many elderly.

Psychological Research Brings Hope
Research has accumulated on the sexuality of the elderly, which generally supports the view that sexual capacity has been underestimated except where illness or lack of a sexual partner is a factor. Changes that occur in elderly men are often misinterpreted as impotence.

For a variety of reasons associated with chronological aging; there are age-related sexual changes. Older men generally take longer to obtain erections, but can remain erect and make love longer before attaining orgasm. Older men do experience a reduction in the volume of seminal fluid, which explains the decrease in pressure to ejaculate (Butler and Lewis, 1982).

Older men are usually able to continue some form of sexual activity well into their eighties and even beyond. If they lose interest or become impotent, there can be a number of factors involved, such as: boredom, fatigue, overeating, excessive drinking or medications, medical or psychiatric disabilities.

Older women experience little physical impairment as they age. If a woman is in reasonably good health, she can expect to remain sexually active until late life. Menopause or the change of life, occurs with the cessation of menstruation, usually between the ages of 45 and 50. Many myths have surrounded menopause, including fear of insanity, the ending of sexual desires and attractiveness, depression, and adverse physical symptoms (Butler and Lewis, 1982).

The physiological situation of older women during and after menopause commonly effects gradual steroid insufficiency, which causes a thinning of the vaginal walls. Cracking, bleeding, and pain can result during sexual intercourse.

There may be vaginal burning and itching, the urethra and bladder can become irritated as their vaginal walls atrophy, and there can be burning or frequency in urination for several days after sexual intercourse.

The loss of steroids also reduce the length and diameter of the vagina and may shrink the major labia. Vaginal secretions that lubricate the vagina may also decrease with age. This does not seem to occur as commonly in women who are sexually active on a regular basis from youth on.

Use It or Lose It! Senior Sex is Healthy
As with men, a consistent pattern of sexual activity is
beneficial to women in maintaining sexual capacities. Muscle toning that affect the grip of the vagina on the penis during intercourse can be improved through regular Kegel exercises (Atchley, 1985).

For a vast majority of human beings, sexual activities are strongly associated with satisfaction and this is no less so with the elderly. Lack of the ability to sexually express oneself is often associated with despondency and depression. Sexuality is a healthy and natural occurrence throughout a person's life cycle.

Bibliography:

Butler, R., & Lewis, M., (1982). Aging and Mental Health: Positive Psychosocial and Biomedical Approaches (3rd ed.). Charles E. Merrill Publishing Company.

Silverstone, B., & Burack-Weiss, A., (1983). Social Work Practice with the Frail Elderly and Their Families. Charles Thomas Publishing.

Atchley, R., (1985). Social Forces and Aging (4th ed.). Wadsworth Publishing Company.

About the Author:

Cathleen Jo Faruque, LICSW, D.A.P.A. is a Licensed Independent Social Worker in the state of Minnesota and a Certified Diplomate of the American Psychotherapy Association.