by Phil Rich, Ed.D., MSW, DCSW
Feedback is a type of communication that we give or get. Sometimes, feedback is called "criticism," but this seriously limits its meaning.
Feedback is a way to let people know how effective they are in what they are trying to accomplish, or how they affect you. It provides a way for people to learn how they affect the world around them, and it helps us to become more effective. If we know how other people see us, we can overcome problems in how we communicate and interact with them. Of course, there are two sides to it: giving feedback, and receiving it.
Some people experience feedback as pure criticism and don't want to hear it. Others see it as spiritually crushing; a confirmation of their worthlessness. Still others only want to hear praise, but nothing that might suggest imperfection.
That's not the case for everyone, of course. Some people are willing to accept feedback and seek it out, even if it is sometimes disturbing, because they believe they can grow from it. It comes down to whether you believe feedback will harm you or benefit you.
This is not to say that we should always have to accept feedback or the manner in which it is sometimes given. We all have the right to refuse feedback, and we can expect feedback to be given in a respectful and supportive manner. But for every positive and open way of accepting feedback, there's an opposite; a negative and closed manner which pushes feedback away and keeps it at bay.
The other end of feedback is giving it. Some people deliver feedback with relish; after all, it's easier to give advice than take it. Some use feedback as a weapon, or offer it as tit-for-tat. For others, feedback is a great way to be critical.
How you deliver feedback is as important as how you accept it, because it can be experienced in a very negative way. To be effective you must be tuned in, sensitive, and honest when giving feedback. Just as there are positive and negative approaches to accepting feedback, so too are there ineffective and effective ways to give it.
Feedback is a must for people who want to have honest relationships. A powerful and important means for communication, giving feedback connects us, and our behavior, to the world around us.
Egan, G. (1977). You and Me: The Skills of Communing and Relating to Others. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing Hathaway, P. (1998). Giving and Receiving Feedback: Building Constructive Communication. Menlo Park, CA: Crisp Publications. Jude-York, D., & Wise, S. (1997). Multipoint Feedback: A 360 Degrees Catalyst for Change. Menlo Park, CA: Crisp Publications. Long, V. (1996). Communication Skills in Helping Relationships: A Framework for Facilitating Personal Growth. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole. Maurer, R. (1994). Feedback Toolkit: 16 Tools for Better Communication in the Workplace. Portland, OR: Productivity Press. Rich, P., & Copans, S. A. (1998). The Healing Journey for Couples: Your Journal of Mutual Discovery. New York: John Wiley & Sons. Rubin, I. M.., & Campbell, T. J. (1997). The ABCs of Effective Feedback. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Phil Rich, Ed.D., MSW, DCSW [1] is the author of "Understanding, Assessing, and Rehabilitating Juvenile Sexual Offenders," the eight books in "The Healing Journey" series of self help journaling books, and two books in the "Therapy Homework Planner," series, all of which are published by John Wiley & Sons. He is the Clinical Director of the Stetson School, a long-term residential treatment program for sexually reactive children and juvenile sexual offenders.
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[1] http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/about/staff/biorich.php