Social Networking for Teens Online: MySpace & Facebook

by John Suler, Ph.D.

Adolescents typically spend a lot of time talking with other teens online in websites such as MySpace and Facebook. Online teens now are a significant population, and it is important that kids as well as parents understand what is happening in this online world. First, simply by spending significant amounts of time online, it's inevitable that a teenagers' on-line social skills will improve. They will be encountering people of various ages and cultural backgrounds, so they have the opportunity to learn how to relate to a wide variety of people. Under optimal conditions, those skills may carry over to their in-person life.

With the advent of MySpace and Facebook, kids are developing entire worlds where they can interact with literally tens of millions of other kids from around the planet. These worlds are very complex and range in their expressions.

Who Are These Teens Online?
On one hand, we have expressions of the immature teen who approaches these websites as if they are simply advanced computer games without real human beings on the other end. Without seeing or hearing the real person behind the typed words or avatars, they (probably unconsciously) behave as if the other person is some kind of robot or Donkey Kong target. And so they start shooting profanities, inappropriate sexual remarks, and other words of abuse. Being able to hide behind their own on-line anonymity makes the abuse even easier to inflict. It provides an easy, safe way to satisfy that need to vent the frustrations of their real life.

In some on-line communities, the hardcore trouble-making adolescents are given the uncomplimentary title of "SNERT" (snot-nosed-eros-ridden-teenager). They can be a real nuisance. In extreme cases they may be banned from the community, especially when they try to hack the computer system. Of course, not all adolescents are so extreme in their tendency to misbehave outline. The more intensely teens act out, the more likely they are having problems in their real life and are using the internet to ventilate and escape from those real life tensions.

On the other hand, we have more mature teens and young adults who use these online worlds to satisfy that need to express, explore, and experiment with their identity. The good aspect of on-line anonymity is that it encourages people to discuss things about themselves that they would hesitate revealing in real life. Kids can learn a lot about themselves from that.

Building a personal web page also is a great exercise in figuring out who you are by what you want to show and tell others about yourself. Teens can create worlds where they experiment with imaginative identities that express their hidden wishes, needs, and fears. The character they create for themselves may give them the opportunity to act like the type of person they admire.

Under ideal conditions, they can learn something about themselves from the characters they create. Maybe they can even develop, in their real life, the traits they admire in their characters. Under less than ideal conditions, the on-line personae simply become another way to ventilate the frustrations and conflicts of their real lives, without any personal insight or change. It's the difference between using their on-line characters to work through their problems, as opposed to simply acting them out.

Where Everyone Knows Your Name

More so than anything else, adolescents are drawn to the Internet because they make friends there. They find new groups to join -- a place where they feel like they belong, where everyone knows their name. Just being an on-line automatically makes you part of the in-crowd, and from there you can pick, choose, and create almost any other specific type of group you want. Internet technology excels the ability for anyone to form a group. Websites such as MySpace and Facebook have made these capabilities so easy that practically anyone with basic Internet skills can join.Other social networking websites focus exclusively on sharing music, art, discussion of entertainers, hobbies, comics - you name it, and it already exists.

What do they do once they're in the group? They joke and play games, complain about their parents and teachers, talk about their lives, support and give advice to each other... the same things they do in "real" life. Joining social networking websites, developing and decorating one's own page, changing that page, meeting new people, expressing opinions, saying hello, all these activities take the bulk of a teen's time online. Many of these activities are not only considered healthy but important to an adolescent's evolving identity by psychologists who study this phenomena

Once again, the Internet is a mixed bag and there's a down side.

Teens may join on-line groups that are not in their best interests. Radical political groups, Satanic cults, on-line "orgies." Of course, these groups exist in the real world too. It's just a lot easier to participate in them when you're sitting at the computer in your bedroom.

Then of course there's the influence that the website owners exert of their active audiences, the ads they strategically place on every page, the products they promote, the images they proliferate as wholesome and enviable. Many complaints have been lodged against Facebook, for example, for advancing an almost anorexic view of teens while promoting weight-loss products. Now teens can register complaints of such advertising, but only after being subjected to it.

Another negative side is that online groups can mimic high school in its ability to form groups that intentionally exclude certain people. Online friendships and cliques can be somewhat artificial, shallow, and transient. The Internet world can seem surreal, so much like a fantasy inside your head, that some people don't take it seriously. Yet for others, emotions and commitment seem to run high. It's like a great interactive TV program that really gets you emotionally involved, but it's just a TV program.

To the adolescent craving for a group of good friends, it can be heartbreaking when those pals unexpectedly and inexplicably change their "tune," withdraw, or disappear completely. With just a mouse click, you're gone, almost without a trace. It's too easy to say good bye, especially when you can easily exit without even having to say "good bye."

This sometimes shallow and transient quality of online relationships doesn't apply in all cases. People do find and keep good friends in cyberspace. But artificial best buddies do appear often enough to be a very problematic disappointment, especially to adolescents who are so sensitized to issues about intimacy, trust, and loyalty.

Cybersex

Since we're on the topic of intimacy, let's delve into that other magnet that lures some teens onto social networking websites -- cybersex. It's certainly isn't shocking news that adolescents are keenly interested in sex. It's an adventure, it calls out to their rising hormone levels, it's a way to separate from -- as well as worry, aggravate, and outrage -- their parents. It means, to them, that they're developing an adult identity.

What exactly is cybersex? Mostly, just talking dirty to each other via typed text -- describing in detail who is doing what to whom, and how they feel doing it. People may masturbate while they type (which isn't an easy maneuver). Sometimes pictures are exchanged, but that can become an unnecessary technical complication that may ruin the free play of imagination.

Whether or not parents consider this a bad thing for adolescents is largely determined by their values. Some may think that the anonymity of cybersex is wrong -- that it is superficial, artificial, unnatural -- or that sex in any form is inappropriate for adolescents.

Others may think that adolescents are going to experiment with sex no matter what adults do, so why not permit them to satisfy their sexual interests and learn about sex via cyberspace encounters? "Personally," one person told me, "I see this as a much safer way to explore their sexual curiosity than in the back seat of a car or behind the bleachers at a game. Wouldn't you rather know your kid is HOME and SAFE than in the streets? The danger only comes if they choose to try and meet someone off line."

Getting Worldly Wise

Students in the U.S. tend not to be experts on global awareness. Most would have a very hard time naming just three Mediterranean countries. The Internet offers the opportunity for adolescents to meet others of their kind from around the world.

Many chat rooms and newsgroups are international in composition. Cross-cultural discussions and debates are common. Hearing an on-line friend from another country talk about a local natural disaster has a helluva bigger impact on you than watching it on the evening news. Hearing foreigners describe their perception of Americans can be a real eye-opener.

If they hang out in these on-line communities long enough, it's inevitable that teenagers will cultivate email penpals from other countries. Comparing school and family life, culture, and national politics with these other kids becomes an intriguing aspect of the relationship. It's also a bit of a status symbol back home. When you mention to the teacher and class in Social Studies that you have an online friend in France, Australia, and Taiwan, what else can they say except "Wow!"

Is there a downside to the adolescent encountering internet travelers from other lands? In chat rooms, newsgroups, and email, you usually do not see people's faces or hear their voices. There's a tendency for one's mind to try to fill in that ambiguity.

People may project their prejudices and stereotypes onto the somewhat shadowy figure at the other end of the internet. The anonymity resulting from people not seeing or hearing you may encourage you to let loose with those stereotyped and prejudiced comments.

Teens -- who often thrive on cliques and in-group pride -- may be prime targets for this unpleasant rejection of foreigners. But the problem here isn't really with the internet. It's with those prejudices.

another danger to keep in mind is when those foreigners announce they want to come visit your teen and stay in your house. If they want to come to the city or town you inhabit, nothing can stop them. But you have a front door and authority over who goes in and out of that door.

My advice is not new to anyone: safety always comes first. If visitors have enough money to travel, they have enough money to stay in a hotel or a sleeping bag - somewhere else. Hosting essential strangers is not wise, no matter how well known they are to us online.

Arrange for your teen to meet them in some other place, and not to reveal your address or telephone number under any circumstance. Teach your teen to enjoy what this new world has to offer, but to practice safety by protecting themselves and your family above all else!

Reference:

Rosen, Larry. (2007). Me, Myspace & I. Palgrave Macmillan: New York.

About the Author:

John Suler, PhD [1], is Professor of Psychology at Rider University and a practicing clinical psychologist. He has published on psychotherapy, mental imagery, and eastern philosophy. He currently maintains several web sites.