SelfhelpMagazine

by Laura Slap-Shelton, Psy.D.

Yes. While you cannot take away his pain, there are some things that you can do that may be helpful to your boyfriend as he grieves over this parent death.

Tips And Strategies To Help Someone With A Parent Death:

• The most important thing is to let him know that you understand that this is a difficult time for him and that you want to help him.
• Be available to talk with him about his mother. In talking to him it will be important not to say that you know how he feels, or make statements that may unintentionally make it difficult for him to express his grief.
• You might want to discuss a plan for a memorial to his mother.
• Group support can be very useful. There might be a group in your community in which he could participate. You may want to direct your boyfriend to this site where he can read about other people and their grief questions, and to SelfhelpMagazine.com Loss and Bereavement On-Line Links section. This section provides links to interactive grief groups on the net. However, please keep in mind that these groups are not a part of this ezine, and we ask that you judge for yourself whether they are appropriate for you or your boyfriend.
• Have patience with this process. It can be difficult to be with someone who is depressed.

Be sure to take care of your own emotional needs when dealing with someone's parent death. Avoid sharing in your boyfriend's depression. A book that you might find helpful is The Art of Condolence by Leonard Zunin and Hilary Stanton-Zunin.

About the Author:

Laura Slap-Shelton, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist with a private practice in Biddeford, Maine. She has a specialty in neuropsychology and has published in the field of psychology. In her work, she addresses the needs of individuals who are grieving and also focuses on helping widows in developing countries where tradition has denied them basic human rights. You can reach her by fax at: (207) 282-5895.