by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.
Yours is not an unfamiliar story. We often assume that people will behave differently toward us than they behave toward others. That's our first mistake.
When you observed your friend relating to his ex-wife in a hostile manner, you could have assumed that at some point that behavior would be manifested toward you.
During the courtship phase of a relationship people relate to each other using "courtship behavior." When we contemplate marriage, the stakes are raised, and people relate to one another with their marriage behavior.
Your friend gave you information on how he relates to women and what he expects in a marital context whenever he complained to you about his ex.
More often than not, the signs are there; all we have to do is pay attention. A year a half is not much time to learn valuable lessons. It is to your credit that you decided to get out as soon as you did.
About the Author:
Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing Bookstore Catalog.
Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.
Revised 1/15/09 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.
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