SelfhelpMagazine

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

Sexual attraction and sexual orientation are complicated and real people don't necessarily fall into nice neat categories like gay, bisexual or heterosexual.

More than ever before, people are experimenting with homosexuality. This process of deciding how much of sexual drives to express is something everyone goes through, and often repeatedly throughout the life cycle. In other words, this process of defining ourselves is normal and healthy, and can last a while.

It might not have been what you've been educated to believe, but much science and history has shown that many people through the centuries have been more accepting of homosexuality. Many sex researchers believe that we are now in a time of transition about our current beliefs regarding these issues.

What's "Normal"?
Research has also clearly shown that some heterosexual people occasionally find themselves attracted to members of the same sex, and some lesbian and gay people occasionally find themselves attracted to members of the opposite sex. That doesn't mean their lifelong sexual orientations have changed. Attractions are simply that: attractions. They can remain in our minds or involve active curiosity, healthy exploration and learning.

Homosexuality and Mental Health
Bisexual, lesbian and gay people are just as mentally healthy as heterosexual people. That is why I consider it unethical to try to change someone's sexual orientation with hypnosis or anything else. Also, no one has ever demonstrated scientifically that hypnosis is successful at treating sexual drives. Occasional claims of such successes are usually disproved over time, or lack the scientific rigor to make them believable in the first place.

As I have said in other articles here in SelfhelpMagazine, it is okay to be confused about your attractions, fantasies, and your orientation. Most of us are at some point in our lives. And even if we resolve the confusion for a decade or two, the same curiosities can pop up later, only to consume us for a while again.

Homosexual Urges
Like hunger, sexual urges usually either go away or intensify once indulged. There's not telling which way things will go for you. But no one has the right to tell you what to explore and what to shut down.

As with most other things in life, we often have to try on what we imagine, and when it is safe to do so, we can learn a lot about ourselves in the process. If you decide to actively experiment, just be safe. Practice safer sex techniques and learn from your experiences before you decide anything definite about yourself. It can take a decade or two for people to know if they are gay or not. These things just don't often settle out as quickly as we'd like, but most people learn to live with the uncertainly.

If you are wanting guidance and support from an experience professional, find a qualified mental health professional to speak to about your concerns. When interviewing them on the telephone prior to meeting them, make sure you ask questions about their training in same-gender sexuality. If not, don't settle for just anyone who will see you.

Choosing a Professional
Unfortunately, many professionals claim to know this area of specialty, but lack any formal training. If you're going to go to the effort of seeking a professional, ask ahead of time if they have taken specific courses or had other experiences that help them learn to be unbiased when working with people who are examining these issues.

Make sure they will not negatively judge you, and add to your struggle. Qualified professionals are not afraid to speak of their experience and training. Rather they are proud of it. Find one of them!

About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.