SelfhelpMagazine

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

Can you even imagine being grateful this year? The list of reasons to NOT be grateful is long. I won't bother listing them We all know how difficult it is.

While the holiday season is "supposed" to be a high point in everyone's year, it often is the worst of times because we're expected to be cheery and grateful. yet this very expectation can be the cause of significant stress, a time when family conflicts surface, when painful childhood memories intrude, and when loss aches more deeply.

It is a time, too, when we risk losing our personal values to the pressures of buying the latest gadget, the most expensive athletic shoe. In churches, synagogues and other places of worship, we are often encouraged to focus a set of beliefs basic to our religious tradition.

But, too often the spiritual values the season represents are lost in the last-minute frenzy of getting the turkey cooked or getting to the store to grab this year's most popular toy.

As such, many of us reach the end of the season with exhaustion and sometimes outright depression. I've taken the time to write this article to offer you two values that might actually make this holiday season meaningful for you:

Cultivate Memories

One attitude involves maintaining an effort to cultivate memories. Unlike Ralphie of A Christmas Story, I do not have a strong recollection of a particular Christmas gift from my childhood. What I do have are rich memories of family gathered together.

Some of the greatest gifts, for example, were the stories told to me by my great Aunt Margaret, she who had been in Paris when Lindbergh landed, she who had seen Babe Ruth play baseball ("Clumsiest man I've ever seen!").

To cultivate memories we must pay attention. I recall when I was a delivering mail one Christmas. I came to an apartment building and found an old man waiting for his mail.

I assumed he was annoyed since I was running late. Before he even collected his mail, however, he placed a microphone-like device to his throat and said something filled with static, a complaint undoubtedly. Somewhat annoyed, I asked him to repeat. This man with throat cancer uttered words, I've never forgotten: "Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year." I was immediately humbled, and he helped me put much into perspective - right then and there. That is a memory I will cherish forever.

Gratitude

The second attitude which can help this holiday season is to be grateful. Not so much for the gifts but more importantly for the people. Past and present.

If we are not in the habit, it can be meaningful for each day from Thanksgiving to Christmas or Hanukkah to spend a moment reflecting on that which we are grateful for. Big things and small things. That which we often otherwise take for granted.

Make a "gratitude" list. Post it in your mirror or on your refrigerator. Or carry it with you and add to it when you realize how lucky you are to have someone or somethign in your life. This list can be things like pets, or a home, or a comfortable chair. It can be heat, electricity and running water. Shoes. Socks. A telephone.

Maybe you can start your list with something right now? What are you grateful for, right now, this minute?

Perhaps with perspectives in mind, we can reach the new year feeling grateful for new good memories!

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.