My Spouse Suffers from A Chronic Disease Which Includes Chronic Pain

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

Question: My spouse suffers from a chronic disease which includes chronic pain. I try to be of help and support but sometimes my spouse pushes me away. What can I do?

First of all, understand that your spouse pushing you away comes from the pain, not from anything you are doing or not doing. Odds are that he/she is very angry about the pain and that at times the anger comes out at you. That doesn't make his/her outbursts OK, just understandable. Be aware, too, of the sense of powerlessness with which both your spouse and you are likely to struggle.

Especially for you, it is likely very difficult to stand by and watch someone suffer for whom you care.

Your spouse may have tried some of the options I am going to mention. In any case, he/she may want to look into a pain clinic. Such clinics help persons with chronic pain through education as well as the use of such therapies as self-hypnosis and massage.

You and your spouse might also benefit from sitting down with a family counselor so that you both can talk openly about each of your struggles and frustrations. Such dialogue will ensure that resentments do not become a problem.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.

Originally published 03/06/99
Revised 05/12/09 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.

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