by LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW
To be of good character is a lofty goal, but how do you define good character? Obviously there is no universally accepted answer to this question. Character traits are defined by people differently based on their individual, cultural, social and familial beliefs. Our character is comprised of our moral and ethical decisions and behavior, based on our beliefs and values. Our values are determined by our character.
Our feelings are determined by our thoughts, our thoughts are determined by our beliefs. When, where and how is character developed? Character development begins in early childhood. In those first years of life we are taught right from wrong, to feel empathy for others who are suffering and to feel guilt when we do something wrong or hurt others. We also develop our values during those early years.
A child learns to value behaviors that are believed to be held in high regard by others around him or her. Those behaviors and beliefs that are thought to please others are repeated, and become an intricate part of who we are. We determine which beliefs and values are acceptable by mimicking the behavior and following the thinking of those who influence us. These are the outward manifestations and processes of their values and beliefs.
Suppose you developed character traits that you no longer want to uphold? People who grew up in families and environments that upheld values to which we no longer choose to adhere may decide to adopt a new set of values. This is not easily done, as it requires a new way of thinking and changing the old beliefs that are not in line with the new value system one wants to implement.
Changing Character Traits:
- Old thought: I should have whatever I want and will do what is necessary to get it.
- Old belief: My wants and needs are more important than anyone else's.
- Old behavior: Take credit for the work of others to get a raise or promotion.
- New thought: I may not always get what I want, but I usually get what I need without hurting myself or anyone else. I would like to have that promotion, but______ had more sales and deserves the job. I will get another chance in the future.
- New belief: I will not harm (emotionally or otherwise) myself or others to get what I want.
- New behavior: Give credit to co-worker for job well done
About the Author:
LuAnn Pierce, MSW, CMSW is the author of Growing up Sane (in uncertain times, Seminar Leader Growing Well Adjusted Kids, Editor-in-Chief Person to Person: Strengthening Youth & Families and Telephone Counselor Affinity Counseling Center.
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