SelfhelpMagazine

by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

Sadly, we cannot make someone forgive us. The decision to forgive is not something we can control. What we can control, however, is the manner in which we seek forgiveness and the willingness we make available to make amends.

The key element in seeking someone else's forgiveness is the communication that we are willing to help that person heal by listening to their hurt. To often, we ask forgiveness but then, when the wounded person wants to talk about it, we get defensive. So, in seeking forgiveness, make sure before you start that you are willing to listen to the other person's hurt without trying to explain or justify yourself.

Amends involves making restoration if necessary. For instance, if you steal $500 from me then ask for my forgiveness, I think my forgiveness will come more easily if you also present a plan for getting me back my $500!

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.