SelfhelpMagazine

by Mark Gorkin, LICSW

When dealing with anger management what's the first thought that comes to mind when you hear the word "anger"? Frustration? Yelling? Loss of Control? Violence? Maybe fear, silence or avoidance? All reasonable responses...Or are they? A bit one-sided, for my taste, that is, the "anger glass" appears "half empty." How about a "half full" perspective: confrontation, energy, power and tenacity? Or honesty and being real?

The "half empty" responses, if not totally reasonable, are certainly representative. Not many people grew up in families where it truly felt safe and secure expressing your angry feelings as well as being the target of other people's angry feelings.

Maybe all these negative associations are not so surprising considering most of us didn't have many "healthy anger" role models. But "anger," like most things in life, including the short-sighted proverbial glass, is often double-edged -- neither half empty nor half full but half empty and half full.

Anger Management: The Four Angry "I"s

In addition to subjective experience, our language has a unidimensional tilt when defining anger. According to the The Random House Dictionary of the English Language: The Unabridged Edition, anger is "a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by real or supposed wrong."

However, a clinical description is broader than a lay one. Anger is a state of heightened activation or arousal of the autonomic nervous system (for example, increased heart rate, rapid breathing, flushed face, chest pains, sweaty palms, etc.) that is fueled by our cognitive - conscious and unknowing - interpretations. You experience those "Four Angry 'I's"; that is, you have a palpable sense of:

1. Injustice: A rule of conduct, a cherished belief or instrumental goal is being threatened or abused; you see yourself (also others with whom you are psychologically dependent or connected) as a victim of an injustice, unfairness or disloyalty.
2. Injury: You feel disrespected, discarded or ignored; there's a sense of insult and humiliation along with injury -- often psychological, at times also physical.
3. Invasion: Your freedom, autonomy, boundary, and personal space are perceived to be constricted, disrupted, or violated; your identity and bodily and/or psychological integrity are being threatened or attacked.
4. Intention: There is an energy and determination to do something about the above injustices, injuries, and invasions; you are ready - reflexively and/or purposefully - to challenge the status quo.

So anger is a potential range of feelings, from irritation and determination to outrage and fury. Its breadth, depth, intensity, and interactive potential are often forged by how one looks at the world through his or her "Four Angry 'I's."

A Multifaceted Model

Let's examine the apparent contradictions within "anger" and try to make sense of its protean nature and multiple functions. To do this, let me sketch my "Four Faces of Anger" Model. To break out of a unidimensional box, try thinking about the interpersonal expression of anger along these two dimensions:

Is your anger expression "purposeful" or "spontaneous"?
Is your anger expression "constructive" or "destructive"?

Let me briefly and loosely define my terms: "Purposeful" - when anger expression is intentional, with a significant degree of consideration or calculation; there is also a significant degree of self-control. "Spontaneous" - when anger expression is immediate with little premeditation or planning; there is little to moderate self-control.

"Constructive" - when anger expression affirms and acknowledges one's integrity and boundary without objectively intending to threaten or violate another's integrity or appropriate boundary. "Destructive" - when anger expression defensively projects and rigidly fortifies one's vulnerable identity and boundary by intending to threaten or violate another's integrity and appropriate boundary (whether the intention is conscious or not).

Returning to our model, the 2x2 matrix yields four anger management possibilities:

1. Purposeful and Constructive Anger Expression
2. Purposeful and Destructive Anger Expression
3. Spontaneous and Constructive Anger Expression
4. Spontaneous and Destructive Anger Expression

Four Faces of Anger Matrix with Box 1 - Box 2 - Box 3 - Box 4 labels.

The Four Faces of Anger Game

About the Author:

Mark Gorkin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, speaker, trainer and "Online Psychohumorist," known throughout the web, AOL, and the nation as "The Stress Doc." Specialty areas: organizational change and conflict, team building, creativity and humor. (1616 18th Street, NW #312, Washington, DC 20009-2530, (202) 232-8662).