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I Grew Up in An Alcoholic Home but My Father Is Sober Thanks to AA

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by Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D.

 
Question: I grew up in an alcoholic home but my father is sober thanks to AA. I believe I have forgiven him and, as a family, we have also sought outside help. But I am having great difficulty with anger to the point where I have sometimes gotten physical. Some of this anger has been directed at my dad. I try counting to ten, leaving the situation, etc, and am also seeing a therapist. Any suggestions?

It's apparent that you are working hard on healing yourself. Be patient. Growing up around alcoholism can leave many scars, some of which don't start to emerge until we move into adult life. This is especially true if some of the experiences you had were traumatic in nature. In your efforts to heal yourself, I can offer the following thoughts:

 
  1. Discuss with your therapist the possibility that you may be suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Irritability is one of the symptoms of this syndrome.
  2. If you haven't looked into Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA), consider it. This support group follows the twelve steps of AA in helping persons heal.
  3. Often fear underlies anger. So, in examining incidents of anger, you might ask yourself "What am/was I afraid of?" This awareness can often diffuse anger.
  4. There are good articles on anger control elsewhere in this magazine. Do a search with "anger" as the key word.

About the Author:

Richard B. Patterson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.

Originally published 12/30/98
Revised 05/04/2009 by Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.
 

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